I am willing to confess that I am an enormous fan of awards show. I watch the Oscars, the Tonys, and the Golden Globes religiously. But I also watch the Independent Spirits, Broadcast Film Critics Association Awards, and essentially anything on television that has a red carpet pre-show. Obviously, this means I watched the Grammys last night even though a) they are always terrible, and b) I could care less about the winners.
The tragedy of my life is that I went into essentially the only branch of the entertainment business without a big awards show. Sure, we have the National Book Awards, but those aren’t even televised! Neither are the National Book Critics Circle Awards. ALA at least gets an internet live stream, but I have seen zero librarians show up in a moon suit OR a Givenchy gown.
So this is my hope: someone gets it together enough to put together a big awards show that has enough categories to maximize potential nominees, enough flash to make it on television, and a red carpet daring enough that I can hope to see J.K. Rowling carried down it in a giant plastic egg. Or George R.R. Martin. Or Philip Roth. I’m flexible on this point.
First, the awards need a serious sounds name tied to the industry somehow. Let’s call them the Fitzgeralds. Then let’s move on to some categories that we probably want to see:
Best Cover Design
Steamiest Sex Scene
Best Author Photo
Best Book Trailer
Cliffhanger of the Year
Best Supporting Character
Are there categories you would most want to see? And what author would have the best fashions? And who could wear this recent fashion week outfit? John Green?