That said, I've never received a form rejection from DGLM, though I've submitted twice. Both times, an agent (Jim, both times) sent me kind and helpful rejections. I can't describe how much this kind of thing means to aspiring writers.

Well, unless you construe "having reservations etc" as slowly identifying a submission is hopeless. Just having some fun, it's a cold cruel world out there –

Wanda B.

That's not quite the point I was making – it's not how far the agent got, it's how far it got in the agency (or publishers). There's a big difference between an intern quickly identifying a submission as hopeless and an agent reading it, having reservations and deciding on balance that it's not for them.

Sorry, I just have to mention Prancer is one of my favorite movies!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098115/plotsummary

"Jessica, the daughter of an impoverished apple farmer, still believes in Santa Claus. So when she comes across a reindeer with an injured leg, it makes perfect sense to her to assume that it is Prancer, who had fallen from a Christmas display in town. She hides the reindeer in her barn and feeds it cookies…" Written by {Vertigus@aol.com}

***
Hmm, now that I look at that blurb, I wonder if it would "have any legs" with an agent…get it, injured reindeer leg/have any legs…never mind….

Re: Rejection: I have no need to know how far an agent got – what if it was only the first 6 paragraphs? Painful. Be kind: Just say no.

Often, people who haven't been published think it's about some magic key – a form of words on the cover letter or bumping into the right person. When it's much more simple, and much harder: you want a great piece of writing about something that's really marketable to arrive already shovel ready or thereabouts.

Agents and publishers are a lot less opaque than they used to be – their websites say exactly what they're looking for and what to submit. Anyone trying to get published: read those guidelines, for heaven's sake. They're instructions, they're the map to where you want to get to.

My advice for agents and publishers – be kind, always remember that writers have spent months putting submissions together, and usually groping around in the dark. You get fifty submissions a day – we don't, we're barely even sure what a synopsis is for, let alone what one reads like.

But always be honest. If there's no hope, don't offer constructive criticism, it's a waste of time. Don't sugar the pill or give any room for doubt – most of us know that 'not what we're looking for at this time' means 'because we're looking for stuff that's not absolute *&^*ing *^&%'.

I'd rather get a straight, no-nonsense rejection letter than one that mumbles something about how it didn't hook you or started slow. A line that suggests you've read it would be nice, just so it doesn't feel cookie cutter. A line that suggests how far it got would be nice:

'Thank you for your submission, I Survived Prancer. It was passed to me by one of our readers. I'm afraid I don't see a market for a 965 page stream of consciousness memoir about how boring your family's Christmas morning was eight years ago, particularly one so bereft of humor and filled with hate against named individuals and ethnic groups. I'm afraid I would recommend entirely abandoning this project.'

As for the colorful analogy in which writers are “nerds” and agents are "the cool kids," I would counter that in a business whose professional ranks are riddled with bookworms, "cool" is a relative term. In addition, much as I know trying to attract the attention of an agent may feel awkward and nerve-wracking, in point of fact, the author agent relationship is one of equals. When looking for an agent, consider looking for someone with whom you feel you can partner, someone who does not, in fact, reduce you to feeling like a geeky supplicant.

–Jessica

So good, so apt, so funny.