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Oscars, Tonys,Grammys…Fitzgeralds?

I am willing to confess that I am an enormous fan of awards show. I watch the Oscars, the Tonys, and the Golden Globes religiously. But I also watch the Independent Spirits, Broadcast Film Critics Association Awards, and essentially anything on television that has a red carpet pre-show. Obviously, this means I watched the Grammys last night even though a) they are always terrible, and b) I could care less about the winners.

The tragedy of my life is that I went into essentially the only branch of the entertainment business without a big awards show. Sure, we have the National Book Awards, but those aren’t even televised! Neither are the National Book Critics Circle Awards. ALA at least gets an internet live stream, but I have seen zero librarians show up in a moon suit OR a Givenchy gown.

So this is my hope: someone gets it together enough to put together a big awards show that has enough categories to maximize potential nominees, enough flash to make it on television, and a red carpet daring enough that I can hope to see J.K. Rowling carried down it in a giant plastic egg. Or George R.R. Martin. Or Philip Roth. I’m flexible on this point.

First, the awards need a serious sounds name tied to the industry somehow. Let’s call them the Fitzgeralds. Then let’s move on to some categories that we probably want to see:

Best Cover Design

Steamiest Sex Scene

Best Author Photo

Best Book Trailer

Cliffhanger of the Year

Best Protagonist

Best Supporting Character

Are there categories you would most want to see? And what author would have the best fashions? And who could wear this recent fashion week outfit? John Green?

6 Responses to Oscars, Tonys,Grammys…Fitzgeralds?

  1. Daniel Marks says:

    Don’t make me post my author photo!

  2. Siri Kirpal Kaur Khalsa says:

    Great Idea!

    Where is Best Book of the Year on your list?

  3. I stopped watching the Grammies back when I realized they tended to honor the music only my grandparents listened to (this was way back in the 60s when Tony Bennet and Frank Sinatra would be nominated but The Beatles, apparently, didn’t exist). Nowadays, I still don’t watch it because, well, Justin Beiber. The last few years, on Grammy night I’ve turned to BBC America and watched the BAFTAs. You gotta make the switch, Jim; you won’t be sorry. That said, I agree on all the other award shows. Around my sister’s house, Oscar night is one of the high holy days.

    About an award show for the book industry — absolutely. Except I fear that we’d hear a lot of “so-and-so couldn’t be here tonight, so we’re accepting this in his/her honor…”

  4. Kellie Lovegrove says:

    I am all about this idea! I would be glued to my couch cushion cheering on my favorite authors that year with a bowl of fresh pop corn and fingers crossed (which might make eating said pop corn difficult but not impossible). Though, I have to say that I would add a few categories such as…

    Character You Love to Hate (Antagonists FTW)
    The Death Scene to Die For (wow, is that cheesy or what)
    Best Indie Book
    Best Non-Fiction Book
    Best Graphic Novel
    Book of the Year

    As far as fashion goes, I am the last person to ask. I may currently work for a department store but my fashion sense consists of jeans and a T-shirt on my days off (shoes optional). Guessing what others would wear or look good in is beyond my ability. Although, I think you should give that hat a try. You never know, you might actually like it. :)

  5. Darcy Burke says:

    I could totally see Best Book Made Into a Movie, which would tie in the film industry, which would of course give the Fitzgeralds mad credibility and attract some A-listers. (But can we ban Nicholas Sparks entries?)

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